FRIGHTMARE!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Current mood: tired

LAST NIGHT I HAD THE STRANGEST DREAM
I didn't sleep well last night. The heat was stifling, burning me up from the inside... and my wife sweats a lot in bed. At one point I thought the water-bed had sprung a leak until I remembered we don't own one.

Anyway I subsequently moved to the spare room and turned on the 3 foot tall fan we have in there. By that I don't mean aroused by someone of restricted height who likes my work. No, I mean the electrical device used to cool you down.

With the sound of the propeller spinning round and the intermittent waft of soothing air I, at last, drifted off to sleep. Except it was not a restful sleep.

In my dream world I found myself piloting an aircraft, much as I had done in that scene from Peril in the Sky. Except this time I wasn't blinded by the reflection of the sun off an ashtray, which showed the dangers of smoking in the cockpit of a plane!

It was an old-fashioned twin-engine plane. My co-pilot was a Llama and half the passengers were Chinchillas, which suggested to me that this was some South American airline.

We were cruising at a steady speed and altitude until one of the Chinchillas rang the bell for his stop. I pulled up at Macha Pichu (thereby confirming my suspicions of a South American adventure).

I helped the Chinchilla off the plane, as it was very old and had had a peg leg. Literally. It was one of those big old-fashioned clothes pegs that people used to put on their noses in comedies if there was something unpleasant in the air.

Anyway, this Chinchilla thanked me and offered me a piece of advice, "Charles, always remember. A hot night in Paris is always in the air tonight." What the hell was he on about?

We took off and before too long I could smell burning. I turned toward the Llama who I suspected of having a crafty smoke. I could see thick black smoke puffing from his face, until I leant forward slightly and noticed the smoke was actually emitting from the engine outside.

I must admit I panicked. I left the Llama to ditch the plane into the snow-covered mountainside, while I hastily donned the only parachute and leapt from the plane screaming like a crazy fool.

Even outside the plane I could still hear the whir of the spluttering engine and taste the thick smoke in my lungs. I pulled the ripcord and shock horror got tangled up in the damn thing.

I plummeted toward the ground but thankfully landed in a snow-drift. My relief was short-lived however when I realized that my chute was burning. It was at this point that I awoke and discovered the damn fan had ignited and set fire to the spare room, including my bed-sheet.

Luckily I knew that I would be thirsty in the night and had wheeled in the water-cooler next to the bed before I had gone to sleep.

I turned on the tap and let the water douse the flames. I also yanked the fan out of the socket and tossed it out the window into the pool, accidentally singing a seagull who had come to rest upon its bobbing chlorined waters.

The one thing that puzzled me more than anything else was that in my dream the Chinchillas had been enjoying an in-flight meal of a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone.

That one I just can't explain...

Currently listening : Sides By Anthony Phillips. Release date: By 23 June, 1998
9:02 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment