Friday, July 07, 2006
Current mood: drained
I have another migraine today, so its probably not a good idea to be listening to Emerson, Lake and Palmer's Brain Salad Surgery and Works Volume 1. Today is shopping day. My Wife is going over to her mother's (yes she is still alive! My Wife's mother I mean, not my Wife. Although obviously my Wife is also alive. I'm not sick!)
So anyway, I decided to go down to the grocery store by myself and pick up what we needed for the week. BIG MISTAKE!
I had completely forgotten about the Manager there, even though I wrote about him on this damn 'blog' thing. Well anyway, he sees me pull up in the mustang and he comes running out. "Baxter! Baxter!" he's shouting.
"Thats the character buddy. I'm Charles Wynford Lodge... The Actor" I told him.
His face was a picture of innocent joy and excitement, "Sorry Baxter..."
Damn fool.
He insisted on being my personal shopper which was embarrassing when I was purchasing certain pharmaceuticals. I just said if its good enough for Pele its good enough for me!
After what felt like an age we got to the check out. Then on my way out he grabbed my arm gently, but firmly. I turned and he looked deep into my eyes, "So how about that Baxter screening?"
Momentarily lost for words I just stuttered, "I... I..."
"I know. You'd love to come round as soon as possible. Well how about tonight?" he asked.
What could I say? Yeh, I know now I coulda said NO! But for some goddamn unknown reason I ended up saying YES! Perhaps it was the tightening of his grip on my arm. Felt like he was taking my blood pressure!
I told him I'd bring my Wife, but he said that wouldn't be necessary. So it looks like I gotta go to this fellas house on my own but I may take some potato chips. Who knows it could be fun watching some of the old shows again. I've not seen any for a while and I tend not to watch the last episode Baxter Investigates... The Case of the Liquid Enema for obvious reasons...
Currently listening : Works, Vol. 1 By Emerson Lake & Palmer. Release date: By 21 May, 1996
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Thursday 29 October 2009
Wednesday 28 October 2009
MINDSWORDS AND MIGRAINES
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Current mood: lethargic
I have a migraine. I get them from time to time. So its probably not a good idea to be listening to Emerson, Lake & Palmer's incredible album TARKUS. I feel like I am plummeting into some strange otherworldly place, where giant Armadillo tanks and Manticores do battle... I should go lay down...
But before then.
My wife went out earlier to buy a new snow shovel. "Its the middle of summer!" I said.
"Yeh well, what will we do if it suddenly snows and we can't get to the shop to buy a snow shovel because the snow has blocked in the automobile and we can't get out because we haven't got a snow shovel..." she replied at length.
I think this was the start of my migraine. So anyway off she went and I was left with a couple of options as to how I could spend my time. Gardening, reading, watch a movie, fix that hole in the roof where the rain comes in and stops my mind from wandering... None of them really appealed so I decided to give Simon Lotrans a call. Simon played Chen in the Baxter Investigates... Again! TV movie. He's a great guy.
Anyway, I asked him how he is getting on now. He told me that he's been offered quite a few acting roles recently. But he had turned them down as he didn't feel he could effectively play an aged African American woman, a ladybug trapped in a mans body mutilated into a giant mollusk, or a box of cereal.
I suggested he come over and have a drink but he declined so I was forced to watch a movie. The first thing I picked up off the shelf was a movie called Hawk the Slayer. So I put it on and do you know who was in it? John Terry! You know... John Terry. Trust me you do!
He was in a James Bond movie once playing Felix Leiter but now he's in that Lost program playing the dad of the Doctor fella with the G.I. Joe haircut. Yeh, yeh thats really him!
Well in the movie he played this guy who battles his brother played by Jack Pallance. It was a great film with the most amazing special effects I had seen since Space Sentinel 4. There were a load of Brit actors in the movie too. Some I recognized and others I didn't. Victor Meldrew's wife, Magenta out of the Rocky Horror Picture Show and Declan Mullholland who originally played Jabba the Hut and loads more really cool people like that.
And you know what I really loved about this movie? The soundtrack! Wowsers. I'd never heard anything like it. Well not since I last listened to Jeff Wayne's War of the Worlds. If you get the chance watch this film its incredible. I wish I would get asked to do stuff like this. Why don't they make them like this anymore?
My Wife got home as the credits were rolling, carrying a carpet sweeper and a Remington Fuzz-away. "Where's the shovel?" I asked, "Did you forget it?"
She looked at me dumfounded, "Oh hells bells!" And thats not really what she said but I gotta say that incase you're offended by words like Fu...
Currently listening : Tarkus By Emerson Lake & Palmer. Release date: By 21 May, 1996
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Current mood: lethargic
I have a migraine. I get them from time to time. So its probably not a good idea to be listening to Emerson, Lake & Palmer's incredible album TARKUS. I feel like I am plummeting into some strange otherworldly place, where giant Armadillo tanks and Manticores do battle... I should go lay down...
But before then.
My wife went out earlier to buy a new snow shovel. "Its the middle of summer!" I said.
"Yeh well, what will we do if it suddenly snows and we can't get to the shop to buy a snow shovel because the snow has blocked in the automobile and we can't get out because we haven't got a snow shovel..." she replied at length.
I think this was the start of my migraine. So anyway off she went and I was left with a couple of options as to how I could spend my time. Gardening, reading, watch a movie, fix that hole in the roof where the rain comes in and stops my mind from wandering... None of them really appealed so I decided to give Simon Lotrans a call. Simon played Chen in the Baxter Investigates... Again! TV movie. He's a great guy.
Anyway, I asked him how he is getting on now. He told me that he's been offered quite a few acting roles recently. But he had turned them down as he didn't feel he could effectively play an aged African American woman, a ladybug trapped in a mans body mutilated into a giant mollusk, or a box of cereal.
I suggested he come over and have a drink but he declined so I was forced to watch a movie. The first thing I picked up off the shelf was a movie called Hawk the Slayer. So I put it on and do you know who was in it? John Terry! You know... John Terry. Trust me you do!
He was in a James Bond movie once playing Felix Leiter but now he's in that Lost program playing the dad of the Doctor fella with the G.I. Joe haircut. Yeh, yeh thats really him!
Well in the movie he played this guy who battles his brother played by Jack Pallance. It was a great film with the most amazing special effects I had seen since Space Sentinel 4. There were a load of Brit actors in the movie too. Some I recognized and others I didn't. Victor Meldrew's wife, Magenta out of the Rocky Horror Picture Show and Declan Mullholland who originally played Jabba the Hut and loads more really cool people like that.
And you know what I really loved about this movie? The soundtrack! Wowsers. I'd never heard anything like it. Well not since I last listened to Jeff Wayne's War of the Worlds. If you get the chance watch this film its incredible. I wish I would get asked to do stuff like this. Why don't they make them like this anymore?
My Wife got home as the credits were rolling, carrying a carpet sweeper and a Remington Fuzz-away. "Where's the shovel?" I asked, "Did you forget it?"
She looked at me dumfounded, "Oh hells bells!" And thats not really what she said but I gotta say that incase you're offended by words like Fu...
Currently listening : Tarkus By Emerson Lake & Palmer. Release date: By 21 May, 1996
12:25 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Tuesday 27 October 2009
FRIGHTMARE!
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Current mood: tired
LAST NIGHT I HAD THE STRANGEST DREAM
I didn't sleep well last night. The heat was stifling, burning me up from the inside... and my wife sweats a lot in bed. At one point I thought the water-bed had sprung a leak until I remembered we don't own one.
Anyway I subsequently moved to the spare room and turned on the 3 foot tall fan we have in there. By that I don't mean aroused by someone of restricted height who likes my work. No, I mean the electrical device used to cool you down.
With the sound of the propeller spinning round and the intermittent waft of soothing air I, at last, drifted off to sleep. Except it was not a restful sleep.
In my dream world I found myself piloting an aircraft, much as I had done in that scene from Peril in the Sky. Except this time I wasn't blinded by the reflection of the sun off an ashtray, which showed the dangers of smoking in the cockpit of a plane!
It was an old-fashioned twin-engine plane. My co-pilot was a Llama and half the passengers were Chinchillas, which suggested to me that this was some South American airline.
We were cruising at a steady speed and altitude until one of the Chinchillas rang the bell for his stop. I pulled up at Macha Pichu (thereby confirming my suspicions of a South American adventure).
I helped the Chinchilla off the plane, as it was very old and had had a peg leg. Literally. It was one of those big old-fashioned clothes pegs that people used to put on their noses in comedies if there was something unpleasant in the air.
Anyway, this Chinchilla thanked me and offered me a piece of advice, "Charles, always remember. A hot night in Paris is always in the air tonight." What the hell was he on about?
We took off and before too long I could smell burning. I turned toward the Llama who I suspected of having a crafty smoke. I could see thick black smoke puffing from his face, until I leant forward slightly and noticed the smoke was actually emitting from the engine outside.
I must admit I panicked. I left the Llama to ditch the plane into the snow-covered mountainside, while I hastily donned the only parachute and leapt from the plane screaming like a crazy fool.
Even outside the plane I could still hear the whir of the spluttering engine and taste the thick smoke in my lungs. I pulled the ripcord and shock horror got tangled up in the damn thing.
I plummeted toward the ground but thankfully landed in a snow-drift. My relief was short-lived however when I realized that my chute was burning. It was at this point that I awoke and discovered the damn fan had ignited and set fire to the spare room, including my bed-sheet.
Luckily I knew that I would be thirsty in the night and had wheeled in the water-cooler next to the bed before I had gone to sleep.
I turned on the tap and let the water douse the flames. I also yanked the fan out of the socket and tossed it out the window into the pool, accidentally singing a seagull who had come to rest upon its bobbing chlorined waters.
The one thing that puzzled me more than anything else was that in my dream the Chinchillas had been enjoying an in-flight meal of a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone.
That one I just can't explain...
Currently listening : Sides By Anthony Phillips. Release date: By 23 June, 1998
9:02 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Current mood: tired
LAST NIGHT I HAD THE STRANGEST DREAM
I didn't sleep well last night. The heat was stifling, burning me up from the inside... and my wife sweats a lot in bed. At one point I thought the water-bed had sprung a leak until I remembered we don't own one.
Anyway I subsequently moved to the spare room and turned on the 3 foot tall fan we have in there. By that I don't mean aroused by someone of restricted height who likes my work. No, I mean the electrical device used to cool you down.
With the sound of the propeller spinning round and the intermittent waft of soothing air I, at last, drifted off to sleep. Except it was not a restful sleep.
In my dream world I found myself piloting an aircraft, much as I had done in that scene from Peril in the Sky. Except this time I wasn't blinded by the reflection of the sun off an ashtray, which showed the dangers of smoking in the cockpit of a plane!
It was an old-fashioned twin-engine plane. My co-pilot was a Llama and half the passengers were Chinchillas, which suggested to me that this was some South American airline.
We were cruising at a steady speed and altitude until one of the Chinchillas rang the bell for his stop. I pulled up at Macha Pichu (thereby confirming my suspicions of a South American adventure).
I helped the Chinchilla off the plane, as it was very old and had had a peg leg. Literally. It was one of those big old-fashioned clothes pegs that people used to put on their noses in comedies if there was something unpleasant in the air.
Anyway, this Chinchilla thanked me and offered me a piece of advice, "Charles, always remember. A hot night in Paris is always in the air tonight." What the hell was he on about?
We took off and before too long I could smell burning. I turned toward the Llama who I suspected of having a crafty smoke. I could see thick black smoke puffing from his face, until I leant forward slightly and noticed the smoke was actually emitting from the engine outside.
I must admit I panicked. I left the Llama to ditch the plane into the snow-covered mountainside, while I hastily donned the only parachute and leapt from the plane screaming like a crazy fool.
Even outside the plane I could still hear the whir of the spluttering engine and taste the thick smoke in my lungs. I pulled the ripcord and shock horror got tangled up in the damn thing.
I plummeted toward the ground but thankfully landed in a snow-drift. My relief was short-lived however when I realized that my chute was burning. It was at this point that I awoke and discovered the damn fan had ignited and set fire to the spare room, including my bed-sheet.
Luckily I knew that I would be thirsty in the night and had wheeled in the water-cooler next to the bed before I had gone to sleep.
I turned on the tap and let the water douse the flames. I also yanked the fan out of the socket and tossed it out the window into the pool, accidentally singing a seagull who had come to rest upon its bobbing chlorined waters.
The one thing that puzzled me more than anything else was that in my dream the Chinchillas had been enjoying an in-flight meal of a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone.
That one I just can't explain...
Currently listening : Sides By Anthony Phillips. Release date: By 23 June, 1998
9:02 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
BLOG OFF!
These are blogs I originally posted on my MySpace page but I thought to reach a wider audience I'd be better posting them again as an actual genuine blog in its own right. I'll include all original comments added by those who followed the blogs. If you're lucky NEW blogs may follow!
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
My first time Current mood: hot
When my agent, Dick Muldul, asked me if I had done a blog, I assumed he was accusing me of leaving something behind in his rest-room last time I went over for dinner. Turns out a 'blog' is where people post news about themselves, or share their thoughts.
How boring I thought, but hey if everybody else is doing it, why not me!? So here it is the world's first Charles Wynford Lodge (The Actor) 'BLOG'.
THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME RECENTLY
I woke up this morning and got partially dressed. I don't have to be anywhere today, and its so hot I thought I'd just wear my shorts.
I keep the curtains closed because I don't want my photo ending up printed in some ragazine alongside a picture of Britney Spears driving with her baby street-skiing behind the car, or Michael Jackson dangling a chimp from the top of a Ferris Wheel or something.
Just after breakfast (Hard boiled eggs and nuts) I got a call from Dick and he asked me if I had heard about the up-coming movie adaptation of Space Sentinel 4. I hadn't. Seems they've wheeled Chip Chesters out for a cameo but someone neglected to get in touch with me.
Dick called back a few minutes later and explained that the film company thought I was dead. Don't they watch TV? I'm on cable channels all the time. Although they are re-runs so I guess it is conceivable that I could have passed away. Dick then said it was too late for me to appear in the film version in any major role but they could shoe-horn a cameo for me, as a hologram or something. Sounds like a raw deal but hey if it pays!
Dick called back a third time and said they couldn't afford to pay me anything and would I do it out of the goodness of my heart and loyalty to the show? I said to Dick, "Dick, how the hell are you going to get 10% of that!?" So he told them to go screw themselves.
I have been toying with the idea of writing my autobiography but when I mentioned this to my next-door neighbor Ms. Thorndyke (an elderly spinster), she said, "An autobiography? Who of?"
"Well, Charles Wynford Lodge, obviously." I explained.
She stared at me for second, a confused look on her face, "Charles Wynford Lodge... the actor?"
I smiled, "Of course."
"Isn't he dead?" she replied.
This was a step up from the time I mentioned it to the girl in the grocery store. She didn't have a damn clue. "Charles Who?" she said.
Stupid kid.
What’s the world coming to when the youth of today aren't glued to the TV set? I suppose after 50 or so years the novelty has kinda worn off. I told her I'd bring in a tape for her to watch and she called the Manager, making all kinds of wild accusations that I was making suggestive comments! Sheesh!
I had to explain the whole thing to the Manager. Turns out he's a huge fan of Baxter Investigates... I had to promise to go over to his house one evening and provide 'live' audio commentaries to his favorite episodes. As long as its not the one where Baxter had to go undercover as a prostitute. We filmed on location, and the number of times I was propositioned... Mainly by the crew!
Nice to know I'm still appreciated though.
Currently listening : Into the Great Wide Open. By Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers. Release date: By 02 July, 1991
12:19 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
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